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Metrognomes Run Rampant At Historical Reenactment
Six months of preperation ruined
Witnesses look on angry and confused.
WEST PERTHSHIRE -- A local chapters reenactment of the siege of Potter’s castle in West Perthshire in Scotland was ruined Monday when an infestation of Metrognome’s proceeded to interfere with activities. The 43rd chapter of the Historical Reenactment society was performing their yearly siege of the castle, which included over 75 members in various positions as castle defense and attackers, when from beneath the ground hordes of Metrognomes began to pour forth. “I thought at first it was a small earthquake, then all these midgets with funny british accents started spewing outta’ every which way. I was like what the fuck….” Said Tom Bysonby, a member of the society for 6 years and this years coordinator.
“You can’t rightly stay in character when there are midgets running around, screaming out things like the Battle of the Bulge was fought in between Norman Mailers belly button and lower crotch, or that the Wright brothers were the first to discover electricity.” Although the Metrognomes were later removed by use of napalm from the local military authorities, this year’s reenactment was written off as a loss for the society. “You plan for six months to get everyone ready, you get all the costumes ready, and then when the day arrives and you are pumped to see a real live battle played out, bam, a hundred midgets spring out of the ground and start spouting out historical inaccuracies like the first world war was fought due to the Fox Broadcasting Network” continued Bysonby.
“Also, what the fuck was with the acne?” Added Mark Smithson, who played the role of Castle Chaplain. “I mean really, what the fuck kind of midgets were these?”. Authorities claim the site, although damaged by the resulting napalm strike, is cleared out of the Metrognome infestation and will be ready by sometime next year. Bysonby had this to add : “I don’t know what kind of God would allow a midget to spring out of the ground and claim that the Aztecs ruled Chicago for thousands of years, but I sure don’t want to meet him.”
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| The Mango | Volume 1 • Issue 1 |