USDN celebrity rejection letters
re-mailed in error

Many celebrities are reporting that over the past two weeks they have received repeat USDN rejection letters in error.  In all cases, the celebrities originally applied for USDN membership over 12 years ago and were initially turned down then.  Many are upset to receive a rejection letter again, and some are even considering legal action against the online gaming clan.

USDN spokesperson John Cataldo provided this statement, “USDN can confirm that rejection letters were sent out to several celebrities in error on June 3.  There was an error in our overnight batch processing that resulted in the letters being mailed out the next day automatically.  USDN is sincerely sorry for any confusion or distress caused and is working to ensure this doesn't happen again.”

Various celebrity reactions to receiving their repeat rejection letter from USDN.

Anna Nicole’s mother, Virgie Mae Hogan, received her late daughter’s rejection letter, “Anna passed away nearly seven years ago.  Being rejected by USDN because she was a drama queen was one of the hardest things for her to overcome.  To be reminded of that is very distressing for us, and extremely insensitive even for an organization like USDN.  We are consulting with our lawyer.”

"I am a fictional character from a distant galaxy in the past," explained Darth Vader.  “I don’t understand how they managed to reach me twice now.  I don’t even remember choking this ‘Rabid Zombie’ guy, which they rejected me for.”

Mr.Clark had the following to say, “The real shame is that in some cases we probably would have reconsidered the celebrity’s application.  For example, Patrick Stewart is adored now and likely would be allowed into USDN despite his terribly debilitating disease of being British.  For others, I wish we had updated the rejection reason provided.  George W. Bush was a terrible president and we rejected him back in 2003 because he is so God damn stupid.  But now I wish I could also add ‘terrible painter’ as a reason.”

An inside source close to USDN's senior leadership has reported that these sort of system issues have become commonplace since outsourcing most of USDN's IS support to IBM.  All The Mango can say is that the source’s name rhymes with 'kira', "Those IBM fuckers are terrible.  I'm sure their terrible deployment software is to blame this time.  I don't know what Clark was thinking using IBM.  Prodigy and Epiphani did a much better job for no money, for years.  I suspect he is taking bribes."

"The thing I don't understand is that each rejected letter comes with some fresh poo smeared by Clark personally," William Shatner said.  "I guess it’s a signature or seal of sorts.  If this was just a system defect, and the letters were sent out automatically as USDN claims, wouldn't Clark notice while smearing each letter by hand?  It just doesn't add up."