Clark to reset USDN timeline with Bryan Singer's help

Tired of the complex and confusing timeline that includes when members joined USDN, key events in the clan history, and also the generally poor reception to the last set of webpage updates, Clark has enlisted Bryan Singer's help to reset the USDN timeline.

"We had a ton of secondary and tertiary members who were either redundant or not very interesting.  Azzman and Ichthys are basically the same person.  Kikhan is completely underdeveloped.  Etter living in Ottawa makes no sense.  Fox has had so many name changes no one really knows what to attribute to him anymore.  Akira was a sassy black woman at one point in the clan.  It is a complete and utter clusterfuck, and quite frankly, a solid time travel shenanigan in the vein of Janeway can just wash it all away and let us start fresh while still referencing the characters as established personalities," stated Mr. Clark.  "We didn't have much of a budget when we first started the clan, so we had to work with a lot of bottom of the barrel clan members to get the clan established and moving forward.  By the time we had a presence, we didn't have a plan for what to do with all the members we did have.  And when the dust settled, I think we had accidentally funded Mike Huckabees campaign.  What a shit show."

Bryan Singer has a lot of plans for the reboot, including establishing more character arcs for the key senior members, and changing the origin stories for others to be less confusing and more homoerotic.  "Currently there is a crop of similar but ugly looking white guys.  So I figured I would start with replacing most of the guild with Hugh Jackman in multiple roles.  Hugh is a flexible actor with a wide range, and honestly, he is box office cash-in the bank.  I highly doubt any of the current set of USDN members would melt panties the way Hugh does..." noted Singer.

"One of the complaints is also in regards to the lack of active female members, with mostly just supporting roles for wives and girlfriends.  The only stand out member is Numbers, who would best be portrayed by Jennifer Laurence or Rebecca Romain.  Actually you know what, she is probably also best played by Hugh Jackman in drag," added Singer.

Hugh Jackman is expected to play most roles in the reboot.

While the exact details of the reboot are not confirmed as of yet, a few key plot points have been established.  Instead of forming the clan at the dawn of internet piracy and forming around a love of Counter-Strike, the new origin will feature Mr. Clark (played by Hugh Jackman) forming a team of highly skilled and sexy IT professionals who mostly look like Hugh Jackman and have sex with one another.  Other events being re-imagined include the absorption of clan WBC into USDN being replaced with a storyline featuring Ultron from the Marvel comics universe, and the first series of USDN LANs retold as the "Age of Apocalypse" storyline featuring cats.